The Sushi Chronicles
COMPOSED BY CATIE, SARAH, MAYA, LAURA, KAT, KATE, JULIA AND COURTNEY
Each poem was written by everyone except the person the poem is about.
| There once was a girl named Catie, Who wanted to travel to Haiti, But she spent all her money, On cookies and honey, That wasteful girl named Catie. |
There once was a young girl named Catie, Who liked to call everyone matey, She said this to the queen, Who promptly removed her spleen, That unfortunate young girl named Catie. |
| There was a young lady named Sarah, Who liked Sushi, And thought it rhymed with Julia, And snored, That silly young girl named Sarah. |
There was a young girl named Sarah, Whose parents and friends couldn't bear her, Because of her whoring, And incessant snoring, That buxom young hussy named Sarah. |
| There once was a girl named Sarah, Whose appearance couldn't be fairer, She spent all her time, Fitting sushi in rhymes, That unstoppable... wench named Sarah. |
There once was a girl named Maya, Whose heart was filled with desire, To live with Trev on an island, With his friend named Byrond, That exotic young lass named Maya. |
| There once was a girl named Maya, Whose heart was filled with desire, [Edited], [Edited], That besotted girl named Maya. |
There once was a girl named Maya, Whose pheromones spread like wild fire, Upon all the boys, Who she used as her toys, That charming young woman named Maya. |
| There was a young Lady named Laura, Whose parents and friends all adored her, They all gave her flowers, And observed her for hours, That dazzling young woman named Laura. |
There was a young lady named Laura, Chris and Jared both saw her, Entering Club X, With her AMEX, That exotic young dancer named Laura. |
| There once was a lady named Kat, Who went on ICQ to chat, Forty hours a day, Except when she was away, That obsessive young lady named Kat. |
There once was a lady named Kat, Upon her blue bedspread she sat, [Edited], [Edited], That charming young Lady named Kat. |
| There was a young woman named Kate, Who had an astonishing trait, She had many pets Who she took to the vets, That busy young woman named Kate. |
There was a young woman named Kate, Who met with an untimely fate, She met with a dragon, And got hit by a wagon, That tragic commoner Kate. |
| There was a young girl named Julia, Who wasn't at all peculiar, Whose toes were as long, As the hose on a bong, That very peculiar Julia! |
There once was a girl named Julia, Whose last name should have been Gulia, She looked like Drew Barrymore, Although she could carry more, That weightlifting girl named Julia. |
| There was a young woman named Courts, Who was interested in sports, She loved the Thorpedo, Especially in Speedos, That mesmirised girl named Courts. |
There once was a girl named Chutney, Whose parents took her to Putney, And whilst she was there, Met the Fresh Prince from Bel Air, That lucky young lady named Courtney. |
The Sushi Chronicles - Part 2
COMPOSED BY CATIE, SARAH, MATT, JARED, CHRIS, GREG, ROD, MAYA, EDWARD, KAT, KATE, JULIA, IRENE, COURTNEY, DARREN AND LARS
| There once was a wench called Matt, He argued loudly with Kat, But was nice all day, If only for pay, Of four shots of vodka for Matt. |
There once was a wench named Matt, She found her chest rather flat, The doctors enhanced her, It did not much good, for, When pushed the silicon went SPLAT! |
| There once was a lad named Darren, Kat's Mum called him Sharon, When eating red meat, He let out a bleat, That carnivorous young lad, Darren. |
There once was some chocolate of Jared's, He purchased it at Harrod's, It was inferior to Lindt, And After Dinner Mint, That disappearing chocolate of Jared's. |
| There once was a guy named Chris, His laptop he sure did miss, He was paranoid at every thought, And cared not a sot about sport, That computing young man named Chris. |
There once was a lad called Greg, For curry he liked to beg, When forced to swallow a shot, He grimaced a lot, But of curry refused not a dreg. |
| There once was a young man named Rod, He was also a kayak God, He really liked sport, And sake, and port, That adventerous sod named Rod. |
There was a young girl named Irene, Her friends played her "Come on Eilene", She worked in the UK, And spent all her pay, On chocolate and one jelly bean. |
| There was a chocolate-lover named Jared, He liked chocolate, Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, That young man named Jared.... chocolate, chocolate. penguin. |
There once was a boy named Ed Payne, Who suffered a freak migrane, An asprin he took, He frothed and he shook, And then went completely insane. - Poor Payne! |
| There once was a guy named Lars, Who always played on guitars, He collected pretty flowers, And drank port until the wee hours, That energetic young man named Lars. |
The Sushi Chronicles - Sarah's Poetry
COMPOSED BY SARAH "SUSHI" "SCOUT" ELLEN BUCKLEY
With occasional assistance from Catie, Maya, Kat, Kate, Julia and Courtney.
| SUSHI From down upon Mount Oberon Trudged the weary team Sarah had a peg In her leg From falling in the stream. |
RECRAPPED VERSION From down upon Mount Oberon Trudged the weary drook Sarah had a peg In her leg From falling in the brook. |
| THE APPREHENSIOUS FEELING OF POISONOUS SUSHI She's so lucky, she's a star. But she rides, rides, rides in her lonely car, thinking, if there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night? |
OH SUGAR! Has anyone seen my sugar? Perhaps it's near the sushi. [Abstract poem] |
| POEM ONE The sea was warm-looking and blue, The wind a flighty breeze, I sat among discarded shoes, And clothes, and towels, and keys. The sun shone lightly down upon, The rocks where we lay, March flies buzzed and tried to sit on Our legs. Oh, go away! The water beckoned from beyond, As I watched two stray dogs, Alas, I could not answer the call, Because I forgot my togs! |
DAY THREE To Telegraph Saddle was where we drove, Where we walked to was Sealers Cove. Maya's ankle, it was sprained, By the time we got back we were all drained. [PRETTY BUGGERED IS MORE LIKE IT.] Darren & Lawrence swam out to the heads, The caterpillars filled Maya with dread. I'm so tired I can't be bothered to write, But Sealers Cove was such a sight. |
The Sushi Chronicles - Additions and Explanations
| AN ODE TO LEMON-LIME VODKA by Julia Flavoured Vodka with lemon-lime, Like Morning Fresh in taste and rhyme, So mix it, mix it, mix it well, Try to dilute that God-awful smell, An' if you can manage it, all praise to you, It took us Jim Beam, and Southern Comfort too! |
MATT'S WORD OF THE DAY Thursday 23 - Articulate Friday 24 - Bury Saturday 25 - Pregnant Sunday 26 - Mexican (Mesamo - what Matt calls Mezcal) Monday 27 - Suave Tuesday 28 - Prudent Matt's Phrase - "Pandora's Box" |
| THE NEW REVISED DICTIONARY OF SARAH "SUSHI" "SCOUT" ELLEN BUCKLEY | |
ABSTRACTFUL - full of abstract APPREHENTIOUS - an apprehensive feeling BELIEVIATION - personal gullibility DROOK - a group - rhymes with "brook" - the collective name for a group of hikers and pikers - apparently this is actually a real word FAMOSITY - level of fame SCAREDER - more scared SUSPECTION - a suspicion, basically SWIMMY - Has a tendency to swim WISDOMATIC - sounds wisdomy but isn't necessarily wise (ie. Lawrence) N.B. - Julia's definition - sounds wisdomy, but is actually full of shit - ie. Lawrence. WISDOMY - full of wisdom |
JULIA'S ADDITIONS CHAUVERT - chauvenistic pervert (ie.Matt) STRANGULATED - to be strangled FUNKABILITY - level of funk DARREN'S ADDITION SYNDINCIAL - cynical and sardonic inone! |
| YESTERDAY by Lars, until he got bored. Completed by Catie, Sarah, Maya, Kat, Kate and Irene Yesterday, our cheap port had not yet gone away, We truly thought that it would always stay, But we'll buy more, another day. Now we drink, Corona so that we don't have to think, With Morning Fresh we're driven to the brink, The empty bottles, gently clink. Matt drinks, Carlton draught though he knows it's really sad, But once we, finish the Mescal we'll all be very glad... Chris is gone, Greg's still standing,is there something wrong? Lars is too lazy to finish this song, But that's OK, We'll carry on. Bree is, chasing sheep and Chris, they are the same, We've been playing 21 - without Matt it's a great game... Yes I heard, Laura called me her most favourite word, Sarah's badger looks just like a bird, And now it's clear, we are disturbed. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm |
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The Sushi Chronicles - Positions of Responsibility
| WILSONS PROM CATIE BUCHANAN - Owl Assistant Chief and Chief Assistant and Chief Warmer-Uperer SARAH BUCKLEY - Golden Retriever Chief Poet and Chief of Ideas for Putting Stuff in Food MATT COULSON - Water Buffalo or Ox or Mule or Amoeba Chief of Tact JARED DYE - Goanna Chief of Chocolate CHRIS EDWARDS - Meer Cat Chief of Paranoia, Sarcasm, and Eavesdropping GREG HIBBERT - Panda Bear Chief of Chair Donations and Chief of Muffin Making ROD HOWARD - Dolphin Chief Adventurer MAYA MUTHUSWAMY - Sugar Glider Entertainment and Enthusiasm Co-ordinator EDWARD PAYNE - Giraffe Chief of Frisbees KATHRYN POLLARD - Puma Chief of Bringing Stuff KATE PORTER - Lioness Chief Chef JULIA SCARFE - Dragon Chief Muse COURTNEY SMYTH - Guinea Pig Chief of Shoes, Keys and Photography IRENE STAMP - Platypus Chief of Serenity DARREN WATERS - Seal Chief Chief LARS YENCKEN - Bear or Yoda Chief of Guitar Playing and Flower Gathering and Chief Assistant to the Chief Poet After Catie |
AIREYS INLET AARON Resident Artist CATIE BUCHANAN Chief Shopper SARAH BUCKLEY Chief Intergalactic Hussy MATT COULSON Chief D&M-er JARED DYE Chief of Complaining and Teeny-bopper CHRIS EDWARDS Chief Chief MICHAEL FAJGENBAUM Chief of Comatose BREE HARRISION Chief Rabbi (With the Fire Tongs) MAYA MUTHUSWAMY Chief Twelve-Point Turner LAURA NEWSTEAD Chief Pourer of Jelly Crystals KATE PORTER Chief Reader of Other People's Books KATHRYN POLLARD Chief of Peppermint-Crisp Shots LAUREN RIZZI Chief Slayer JULIA SCARFE Chief Bore-ee COURTNEY SMYTH Chief Complainer and Chief of Denim Dresses IRENE STAMP Chief Beach-Lierer and Chief Pillow for Matt DARREN WATERS Chief Kate Trapper and Chief Maya Scarer LARS YENCKEN Chief Easter Bunny Trapper and Car Washer |
The Sushi Chronicles - The Lists
| 101 WAYS TO KILL GREG Written by Catie, with help Rated by Greg 1. Death by curry (*****) 2. Tied to car roof (***) 3. Death by leeches (*) 4. Death by sniper (***) 5. Death by chair (****) 6. Death by tent peg 7. Death by guy rope 8. Death by concrete feet 9. Death by tickling (**) 10. Death by chocolate (**) 11. Death by vodka (***) 12. Death by Catie (****) 13. Death by squashing 14. Death by insults 15. Death by bad jokes/explaining (***) 15a. Death by Matt/Maya (****) 16. Death by anvil (*) 17. Death by falling $100 coin (*) 18. Death by inhaled wasps (**) 19. Death by mozzie bites 20. Death by voodoo (*) 21. Death by morning fresh (***) 22. Death by frightening 23. Death by filing (nails) (**) 24. Death by filing cabinet 25. Death by domesticated pig (***) 26. Death by cow (methane) 27. Death by Jehovah's witnesses (**) 28. Death by 13-year damning poison (*) 29. Death by falling koala 30. Death by Maya's photo flash (*) 31. Death by Matt's torch-blinding (*) 32. Death by Matt's torch through skull (*) 33. Death by cheap port 34. Death by sunburn 35. Death by the Grim Reaper 36. Death by obsessive muffin making 37. Death by frisbee (Payne) 38. Death by lindint (***) 39. Death by jumping out of a plane - Messer Schmitt ME 109 40. Death by Hanson (***) 41. Death by Wile E. Coyote 42. Death by waking Kate's Mum 43. Death by Kate, due to lack of sleep (***) 44. Death by mermaid 45. Death by sarong 46. Death by Irish music 47. Death by cheap floury pasta (***) 48. Death by onion tears (*) 49. Death by lack of enthusiasm (upside down !) 50. Death by surf-ski paddle (Rod) 51. Death by shapes and Maggi noodles 52. Death by Kate's rainbow jumper (***) 53. Death by 5 hundred 54. Death by grater (**) 55. Death by deep-fried chilli curry (****) 56. Death by shark 57. Death by Courtney's shoes & films 58. Death by gullability (*) 59. Death by excess La Porchetta (***) 60. Death by curry deficiency (***) 61. Death by alcohol deprivation 62. Death by hyperactivity (Julia) 63. Death by red cordial 64. Death by Jared's sister (*) 65. Death by siblings (*) 66. Death by drook (*) 67. Death by lack of red meat 68. Death by caffeine 69. Death by metho (*) 70. Death by lopsided elf (*****) 71. Death by dirty feet (*) 72. Death by stupidity (***) 73. Death by smeg (***) 74. Death by homebrand food 75. Death by imitation alcohol - Maya's vodka, MorningFresh, port (***) 76. Death by Sarah's vocabulary (*) 77. Death by the story 78. Death by Volvo drivers (and Maya) (***) 79. Death by silence (Irene) 80. Death by too much noise (Courtney/Matt) (**) 81. Death by broomstick (Kathryn) 82. Death by conspiracy (**) 83. Death by collaboration with one's murderers (*) 84. Death by aggravated driving (*) 85. Death by Murphy's Law (***) 86. Death by self-mutilisation (masichism) 87. Death by ankle injury (**) 88. Death by assimilation (*) 89. Death by Darren's secret (***) 90. Death by paranoia (Chris) (*) 91. Death by flowers (Lawrence) (*) 92. Death by propaganda (Kat) (?) 93. Death by peer pressure 94. Death by blisters 95. Death by apology (*) 96. Death by collapsing tent (*) 97. Death by bad poetry (Julia & Sarah & Lawrence) 98. Death by Yoda (**) 99. Death by worry - too many death proposals 100. Death by stress - too many death attempts 101. Armageddon (!!!) |
20 FLOWERS FOR LAWRENCE'S HAIR: 1. Lavender 2. Pink heath 3. Daisies 4. Magenta flowers 5. Purple bells 6. Miniature roses 7. Jonquils 8. Hibiscus 9. Forget-me-nots 10. Morning glory 11. Pansy 12. Snapdragons 13. Petunias 14. Cherry blossom 15. Dandelion 16. Carnations 17. Freesias 18. Nasturtiums 19. Libilia 20. Wattle And a feather! TEN WAYS TO MAKE CHRIS PARANOID: 1. Bredawany 2. Trev 3. Smeghead (Smeg'ead) 4. Rimmer 5. K. Kochanski 6. eldcrosp 7. lack of internet/ICQ access 8. Chris 9. Lightning 10. ... [Edited] TEN REASONS IRENE THINKS WE'RE ALL INSANE: 1. Morning fresh 2. Cheap port 3. Jared's 500 bids 4. Maya 5. Matt 6. Courtney 7. Curry fetishes 8. Out aquatic habits 9. Bringing 4 twister mats 10. Inability to boil water 11. Inability to count TEN WAYS FOR CATIE TO POTENTIALLY INJURE HERSELF: 1. Injury by Greg for writing 101 ways to kill him 2. Burns from making curry chips 3. Having a fridge thrown at her 4. Being in a plane where the pilot was a tomato 5. Coaching/playing 6. Walking down the stairs of the Masson Theatre 7. Ice-skating 8. Feral wombats (ie. Geordie) 9. Falling over when trying to be a sniper 10. Being murdered by a year 12 while protecting her Baileys TEN REASONS WHY DARREN SHOULD MOVE TO THE EASTERN SUBURBS: 1. No smell 2. No footpaths joining roads 3. No STD calls to friends 4. Closer to Matt 5. More pubs, clubs and other drinking facilities 6. More La Porchettas 7. No V-line trains 8. Quicker access to Wilsons Prom 9. No cows (unless you live near Sarah) 10. No mission brown houses. MATT'S FAVOURITE TEN WORDS: 1. Wench 2. Bitch 3. Wench 4. Articulate 5. Wench 6. Lindint (with a silent t) 7. Wench 8. F*** 9. Wench 10. More P.S. The M&M went down backwards. JARED'S TOP TEN FOOD GROUPS: 1. Chocolate 2. Chocolate 3. Chocolate 4. Chocolate 5. Fruit juice 6. Vegetables 7. Cheese 8. Self-saucing pudding 9. Donuts 10. Curry (ie. sugar and cocoa) TEN TYPES OF SHOES THAT COURTNEY DOESN'T HAVE: 1. Sporting shoes 2. Clown shoes 3. Ballet slippers 4. Jellybean sandles 5. Chinese wedding shoes |
| TEN ITEMS OF CLOTHING ROD HAS SPILLED ALCOHOL (MAINLY PORT) ON: 1. His red jacket 2. His khaki jacket 3. Courtney's shoes 4. Courtney's pants 5. Courtney's jacket 6. His shorts 7. Sarah's red dress 8. Jared's jumper 9. His canoeing top 10. Julia's jacket |
A SMALL SELECTION (TEN) OF THINGS THAT MAYA DOESN'T UNDERSTAND: 1. Sarcasm 2. Lunch cutting 3. Humour 4. Alcohol 5. Pretending to understand a situation 6. Sex 7. Interpersonal communication 8. Diplomacy (subtlety) 9. Life in general 10. Maxwell's theory of electromagnetism (not!) |
| TEN THINGS THAT KAT DID NOT BRING TO WILSON'S PROM: 1. Shotgun 2. Air Conditioner 3. Electrical Generator 4. Inner-spring mattress with rotating facilities and aleopard covering 5. Computer/ICQ access 6. Major phone line 7. Her camera 8. Non-alcoholic drinks 9. Torture kit 10. Portable house |
TEN THINGS KATE HASN'T ADDED CURRY TO: 1. Bonnie 2. Ice-cream 3. Maya's driving 4. Rod's jacket 5. Sarah's Red dress 6. Lawrence's guitar 7. Morning fresh 8. Kat's clipped off hair 9. Sarah's thongs 10. Sun cream |
| TEN THINGS TO ADD TO MORNING FRESH ACCORDING TO JULIA: 1. Southern Comfort 2. Creme de cacao 3. Jim Beam 4. OJ 5. Midori 6. Ice-cream 7. Coke 8. Cordial 9. Cheap Port 10. Lemonade |
TEN LECTURES THAT PAYNE HAS BEEN TO ANDNOT BEEN ENROLLED IN: 1. Psychology (512-120/121) 2. Physics (640-121/122) 3. Astronomy 4. Philosophy 5. Biology (600-141/142) 6. Moral Conflicts 7. Statistics (620-160) 8. History 9. Maths (620-122) 10. 4th year Robotics |